Broken

Trust is a funny thing because once it is broken, it cannot be fixed. Each day, we set a series of small expectations for people in our lives; to get a report done, to answer a phone message, to meet an obligation here or there. We trust that these needs will be met. At certain points in our lives, we risk a much greater trust; our safety, our future, our hearts. The last may be the greatest leap of faith At least for me, to trust someone with my heart is a thing I have great difficulty with. It requires a choice to open myself up or close myself off in self-protection. My heart has been so mistreated in the past that I tend to build a wall around it, protecting it from the inevitable brokenness that will occur. Once in a great while, I slip. Persuaded, charmed, trusting, believing that this time has to be different because of words spoken and promises made. Wanting it SO badly that I am willing to take a chance. Needing to believe I am worthy of experiencing happiness and that, yes, greatness can happen to me. Yet I find myself again, picking up the pieces of my broken heart. Pieces scattered and discarded by the carelessness of others. And I find myself wondering again, what makes me unworthy of love? I realize that I must be fundamentally flawed, constructed wrong, broken, like my worthless heart.