Sometimes I believe we are all a bit crazy, myself especially. I wake up every morning and repeat a cycle of safe choices or terrible errors, expecting each day to end differently. Outwardly, my life seems normal, safe even. But is anything ever what it appears to be? What is wrong with getting a little wild sometimes? Is it so bad to actually live life instead of just repeating the same safe motions again and again?
I admit I tend to think outside the box, but sometimes the box is so mundane, so ordinary. As a child, I longed for that kind of everyday normalcy. As a teen, I enveloped myself in rebellious individuality. As an adult, well, I am not really sure what I want. I know I want to wrap myself in people who are kind and caring, interesting and uplifting. I long for it, really. But I also crave the titillation of maximizing the potential happiness of each moment. Taking a risk to fulfill a desire. So many people take the safe road through life. I never really have. More often than not, that road has led to great disappointment or caused me enormous shame. Once in every great while, though, it leads me to something deeply emotional and brings pleasure beyond imagine.
So, which road to follow today? The path of safety and predictable consequences? The one of normalcy I longed for as a child?
Or follow the path of the minute? One that is littered with unpredictability?
I have always been a little bit crazy....
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Searching for the Sunny Side
Life happens, sometimes when we least expect it to. It seems as though we are constantly waiting for things to get better, for the next big thing, for our dreams to come true. Are any of us really where we want to be in life? Does anyone have the perfect relationship, the dream job or the ideal life? There seems to be a blessed few who really have and are everything they hope to be. Most of us continually strive for improvement, on a constant uphill journey to balance demands and necessities of predictable life without sacrificing the things that make us who we are. It can be hard not to lose ourselves in the shuffle and not short-change our innermost dreams. IS being happy with your daily life "settling" or "selling yourself short"?? Should we always be working towards a goal or is there a time to accept the lot we've been given and call it contentment? A teacher, a mother, a student. I believe in true love, following my dreams and making them come true. Life is not always fair and I am constantly struggling to manage work and home, motherhood, money and motivation and the drama and stress that is life today. It can be crushingly cruel and ideals are often swept away into a tidy pile in the corner of the day along with childhood dreams and pieces of myself.
But...one little piece I hold dear. I allow myself the luxury of a thought and the indulgence of a whim to dream. I imagine I can change my life soon enough that it will matter. And for the little girls who dream of being a ballerina or a movie star and for the little boys wishing they will one day pitch for the Yankees or race in NASCAR...Let's dream big and see where it takes us. We can always be searching for the Sunny Side.
But...one little piece I hold dear. I allow myself the luxury of a thought and the indulgence of a whim to dream. I imagine I can change my life soon enough that it will matter. And for the little girls who dream of being a ballerina or a movie star and for the little boys wishing they will one day pitch for the Yankees or race in NASCAR...Let's dream big and see where it takes us. We can always be searching for the Sunny Side.
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About Me
- Keri Lock
- Western New York, New York, United States
- I am a teacher, a mother, a student and a writer. I am me. www.kerilock.com www.readthisway.com
2 comments:
I hear you...I have tended to cross over the border, to the side of shear risk, sometimes it has worked, and other times, it has not....I wrote a post on my facebook page awhile back, that talks about this very thing...Its called, "Thank God I did that.." It talks about the things I did that I know were very risky,but, in my heart, I knew it was my destiny to do them. Was it always safe? No way. Did it bring me pure bliss? I can't count the amount of tears I have cried. But what I do know, is that I have lived a very full life for the age I am. I believe everyone has a threshhold, and the key is to find it, and see if you can "bend" just a little furthur, to grow, without breaking...As Ani says, "What doesn't bend breaks..." I know you can find your threshhold, and find that balance, the place where you find safety, but in that safety, you can find the will to break free. It doesn't have to be mutally exclusive, and I honestly believe the grass isn't greener on either side. I feel I am a bit on the "safe side" these days, and I still cry, and long for that "freedom". But I re-memebr how hard it was without the "safety". So, its a double edged sword. Again, its all about the harmony between the two....Just know I support you, in that safety, and support you in that freedom of the the most important relationship of your life - the relationship with yourself~ xo~
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