The air was stifling. Summoning every bit of courage in my seven-year-old body, I inched my fingers along the satin edging of the blanket, widening a tiny opening. Unsullied air wafted in and I gulped it greedily, louder than I intended.
A disturbing snivel exploded somewhere in the room, followed by a series of retching noises. Under the quilt, my body trembled and acted of its own accord. The scream emerged soundless, impeded by my suffocating circumstance.
Frenzied clawing released me from my cotton cavern. I gasped. Inhaling powerfully, sound exploded from my mouth, the volume reverberating in my ears.
“MOMMY! MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY!” my screams continued, one uninterrupted sequence.
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2 comments:
Hi there, I was emailed your profile through AgentConnect so I thought I would stop by and read your work. I was stopped in my tracks by the frequent word repetition. It's tough when you have only one set of eyes looking at your work. If you need a critique partner let me know. Good luck.
A disturbing snivel sounded somewhere in the room, followed by a series of retching sounds. Under the quilt, my body trembled and acted of its own accord. The scream emerged soundless, impeded by my suffocating circumstance.
Frenzied clawing released me from my cotton cavern. I gasped. Inhaling powerfully, sound
Thanks Austin. It was late when I wrote this passage and I wasn't doing a thorough enough job of checking my work. I made some changes and re-posted. Check it out!
Keri
PS Your email doesn't come up on the comment and I cannot find it on AgentQUERY either. You can email me at jkltjgm@aol.com
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